If you're looking for Pagan wedding services on the web, there are hundreds of them. Handfastings are just about everywhere. If my family, and my lovely wife's family, were Pagan, everything would have been a snap. But I come from a Catholic family. Hers is more or less Presbyterian. This was not going to be a day for trying to shove anything down anyone's throat, or for picking a fight over the workings of our various theologies. The challenge, then, was to come up with a ceremony in which we could include them, and which they might find meaningful (and non-threatening). Of course, we also needed something that would be meaningful for the two of us, and for those friends of ours who do support my views. This was not something I could find on the web. So we wrote one, which we offer here in the hope that it might be useful to others in our seemingly common situation. It is cloaked in traditional language, which was taken from the services of several Christian denominations. In particular, the United Church of Canada (which I had never even heard of) was a huge help. Anyone not paying careful attention may well assume they've just heard a run-of-the-mill Protestant wedding service. The Devil, or in this case the Difference, is in the details, and hopefully you'll find enough of these to satisfy your needs. Everyone present had a wonderful time. Christians and Pagans alike told us it was a beautiful wedding, and if anyone had any trouble with the service, they didn't share it with us. The mother of the bride even asked for a copy to take home. And so, for anyone else trying to slide a Pagan wedding by a Christian family, I humbly submit the following. If you have need of such a thing, I hope you find it beautiful as well.

Officiant Dearly beloved, we have come together here in the sight of God, and the presence of these witnesses, to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. The union of Husband and Wife is intended for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one to another in prosperity and in adversity. Let it not therefore be entered into lightly, but reverently, deliberately, in perfect love and perfect trust. Into this holy estate (name) and (name) now come to be joined. If anyone can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, let them now speak, or else hereafter forever hold their peace.
Officiant Let us pray

Creator of all things, you who made us and sustain us,
For the gift of life we praise you
For its meaning and purpose we thank you
In the world without, and in our lives within
There is much that is confusing and contradictory
Many voices counsel us; many forces pressure us; many things tempt us.
By your light we are led, by your hand we are held up, by your love we are made complete.
And so we ask for your blessing, both now and to the end of our days.

All Amen
Music, if desired
Officiant Will you, (Groom), have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, so long as you both shall live?
Groom I will
Officiant Will you, (Bride), have this man to be your wedded husband, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep you only unto him, so long as you both shall live?
Bride I will
Officiant Will the families of the bride and groom please stand?

The union of (Bride) and (Groom) brings together two family trees, two systems of support, in the hope that a new tradition may take root and grow strong. Theirs is a personal choice, a decision they alone can make. Yet their life together will be endlessly blessed by the love of the families from which they come.

Will all of you encourage (Bride) and (Groom) in their marriage?

Family We will
Officiant Do you celebrate with them their choice of a life together?
Family We do
Officiant Will you stand beside them, yet not between?
Family We will
Officiant Please be seated
Reading (I'm including my own only as an example. The punctuation is original.)

This is by e.e. cummings (1894-1962)

the first of all my dreams was of
a lover and his only love,
strolling slowly (mind in mind)
through some green mysterious land

until my second dream begins-
the sky is wild with leaves;which dance
and dancing swoop(and swooping whirl
over a frightened boy and girl)

but that mere fury soon became
silence:in huger always whom
two tiny selves sleep (doll by doll)
motionless under magical

foreverfully falling snow.
and then this dreamer wept:and so
she quickly dreamed a dream of spring
-how you and i are blossoming

Officiant You have made your intentions clear before us, now join hands, and to each other make your vows.
Groom I take you, (Bride), to be my wife
to laugh with you in joy
to grieve with you in sorrow
to grow with you in love
to strengthen the world by the strength of our bond
as long as we both shall live.
Bride I take you, (Groom), to be my husband
to laugh with you in joy
to grieve with you in sorrow
to grow with you in love
to strengthen the world by the strength of our bond
as long as we both shall live.
Officiant (Groom), place your ring on (Bride)'s hand.
Groom I give you this ring as a sign of my vow,
and with all that I am, and all that I have,
I honor you.
Officiant (Bride), place your ring on (Groom)'s hand.
Bride I give you this ring as a sign of my vow,
and with all that I am, and all that I have,
I honor you.
Music Note: at this point we lit our Unity Candle. We were fortunate enough to have all four of the bride's grandparents at the ceremony with us, and we wanted to include them somehow. This seemed like the perfect place. The grandmothers lit tapers from a pillar already burning at the beginning of the ceremony, and placed opposite the unlit Unity Candle. They each then lit their spouse's candle. Each pair then lit the candle of their child (the bride's parents). They in turn lit the bride's, while the groom's parents lit his (the groom's mother lit her candle from the pillar following the grandmothers, and passed the flame to her husband). Finally the bride and groom together lit the Unity Candle, leaving their own tapers burning to either side. It's less complicated than it sounds, and if you've got the time and space to choreograph it, it can be really beautiful. This is the one event in every wedding that's Pagan no matter what you call it. You might as well do it up.
Officiant Forasmuch as (Bride) and (Groom) have consented together in marriage, and have witnessed the same before all those gathered here, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. What is united in love and the spirit of the Divine, let no one put asunder.
(to both) You may seal these vows with a kiss.
(to all) Please join me in prayer

Ancient One
Source of all Creation
We gather in your presence to celebrate the turning of a page
The beginning of a new adventure
A new road for these hearts newly joined

Bless them with Air
That each may be breath for the other

Bless them with Fire
That their passion may know no bounds

Bless them with Water
That their love may sustain and heal them

Bless them with Earth
That their steps may be sure
And their foundation unshakable

Watch over us all
And if it please you
Grant that we may ever meet
And part
And meet again
In peace

All Amen
Officiant Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce to you.....

Well, there you have it. Short, sweet, and to the point. I think everyone got out of it exactly what they needed. Most importantly, it was just the thing for my beloved and me. If you decide to use this, or any part of it, drop me a note and tell me all about it. I love wedding stories. Best of luck, and blessings always.

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