Monday, July 12, 2004 - 4:00 p.m. PDT The following log has been modestly edited to remove technical and procedural distractions and rearrange some discourse in a less random order to make it more easily readable. In attendance: Stephen Johnson, Noel McInnis, Shari Palmer Shari Palmer Hi! Stephen! Stephen Johnston Hi! Shari Palmer I went to the last chat and it was great. Stephen Johnston I missed it. How long did it last? Shari Palmer We went until people decided they needed to break, an hour? Shari Palmer It takes a little while for people to show up. Stephen Johnston Thanks, I was wondering. Shari Palmer Yes, last time it was Chuck and Kathie and Noel and I chatting. We all arrived at different times. Shari Palmer Chuck had this dandy voice activated typing system. Shari Palmer Are you enjoying the class material? Stephen Johnston So far, I am amazed. I can understand the material, and it makes sense in terms of my life. I haven't applied it yet to any situations in my life though. Shari Palmer It is a real opportunity for me to cancer proof myself, a real life line. Shari Palmer I never shared any of the stories of past grievances except with super close friends, though, because I was afraid people would judge me. Stephen Johnston I seem to be a chronic grudge collector, so if the technique works it could make a real change in my life. Stephen Johnston I am reluctant to share things like that with strangers also. Shari Palmer I am not concerned about people in this class. And as time goes on, less about others, as well. Shari Palmer Life is short. There is a smart way to do things. This class shows a smart way. Shari Palmer I love finding ways to avoid emotional entanglements. Shari Palmer Life is like a mine field, it is like getting blown up and then being able to put your leg back on, brand spanking new, and keep on walking. Stephen Johnston I just hope I can put the technique into practice. I have deliberately refrained from reading ahead, etc. Shari Palmer Me, too. I am trying to really study it carefully. I truly want to learn and use it daily. It is imperative that I do so, my cancer was recurrent and I don't know what caused it to come back. Noel McInnis enter the chat room Noel McInnis Hello there! Shari Palmer Hello esteemed teacher! Stephen Johnston Hi. Noel McInnis Also tardy teacher. I just returned from shopping and the dentist's office, somewhat later than expected. Shari Palmer It is okay. Noel McInnis What's uppermost on your minds just now forgivenesswise? Shari Palmer Enthusiasm to apply it. Stephen Johnston How to choose whom to start with. Shari Palmer Some are difficult to think through. Noel McInnis Steve: Have you seen my reverse check-list technique? Shari Palmer I used to eeny-meeny and if I felt disappointed, I would then choose the other. Stephen Johnston Yes. I ended up with the idea of starting with my parents, but I had some questions because I feel less anger than disgust (?). Noel McInnis So what are the questions, Steve? Noel McInnis Shari: enthusiasm is an inside job. The original Greek word, entheos, means God-embodiment. Shari Palmer Yes, I believe the God in me is all for this housecleaning project! Temple cleaning project! Stephen Johnston Does forgiveness help with disappointment, rather than anger? I realized many years ago my parents were impaired people who couldn't have done much better, but I still have considerable negative emotion about them. Noel McInnis Can you forgive life for the deck it dealed you? and yourself for the consquent hard feelings? Ultimately, your disappointment may have little to do with your parents, who apparently weren't dealt the greatest of decks, either. Shari Palmer I only know maybe one person who claims to have had great attentive, loving parents. The rest of the people said it was a nightmare growing up and they could not wait to get away from home. Shari Palmer This is not to minimize your comments. It is an effort to support you. Noel McInnis My childhood was somewhat less than a nightmare - AND I was bursting to leave home. I left a week after my high school graduation to work in the town where I was planning to go to college. Stephen Johnston Yes I can forgive life. I thought of working on forgiving my parents when I was reading the part of the book where it discussed how we are responsible for our emotions. The idea of re-interpreting my childhood seemed exciting to me. Shari Palmer It is exciting. It is liberating. Noel, how do we do it? Noel McInnis I've gone through two re-interpretations ("perceptual makeovers") of my childhood. Shari Palmer A-HA! An expert in this particular arena. Noel McInnis It's a matter of selecting a different set of memories. Shari Palmer Looking for blessings? Noel McInnis Recalling the happy moments, Shari. Shari Palmer I always thought at least one loving place was available to me at all times---friends, or school, or someone somewhere. Stephen Johnston The key point then is to see that the other person is not responsible for the negative feelings? And what is next? Noel McInnis What comes next, Steve, is realizing that I am the one who is responsible for the negative feelings. Shari Palmer I think the problem is we want it to be Mom and Dad loving us, and loving us perfectly--- like it is "supposed to be". Noel McInnis I am solely responsible, because my feelings are sustained by no one else's nervous sysytem except my own. Shari Palmer I know these are break through teachings and I am so glad to be receiving them. Shari Palmer The student is ready, the teacher appears! (Who said that originally?) Noel McInnis Shari: that student-teacher observation goes back to ancient times. Shari Palmer You seem knowledgeable regarding quotes. Noel McInnis I have "majored" in quotes from early childhood, Shari, in both thought origins and word origins. Shari Palmer It shows. Stephen Johnston So by forgiving the other person, we can change our own emotions? Noel McInnis Concerning my own parents, I realized one day that they could never do my best, just as I could never do their best., and that neither of us was here for that purpose. Shari Palmer Were you an adult before you saw that insight , Noel? Noel McInnis No, Shari, I became an adult the moment I had that insight - in my 30's. Shari Palmer IT IS SO KEY TO LETTING US OUT OF THE PRISON OF DISAPPOINTMENT. Shari Palmer I heard once, you ask the universe for the essence of what you want to come to you. Love, or friendship, ...whatever and be prepared to accept it no matter where it comes from... a child, a friend, a stranger---not demand it be from a certain person, as we all have free will. Shari Palmer Parents don't want to be parents sometimes they just want to be 35 year olds with their own concerns. That is hard for a 12 y.o. kid to understand. Stephen Johnston I have to take care of something, so I need to sign out. As a closing comment, I would like to say that so far the ideas I have learned seem very powerful. Good bye. Noel McInnis Yes, Shari, specify the quality of your desired experience, not a specific form. Shari Palmer I have enjoyed our chat. Noel McInnis So have I. Sorry about being late again. Shari Palmer No prob. Noel McInnis Stay in the grace. Shari Palmer You too! PEACE!